CONGRESSIONAL HEARINGS
INT.  SENATE COMMITTEE ROOM.

A SENATOR (played by Chris Parnell) addresses the Defendant, TIM CALHOUN (played by Will Forte) and COUNSEL (played by Colin Firth).

   
SENATOR
The Senate Judiciary Committee will now reconvene its
investigation into the alleged misconduct of the Bureau
of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms in the Everglades
incident of 2002.
Please state your name.

CALHOUN looks confused and leans toward COUNSEL with hand cupped to ear. COUNSEL whispers to him from behind his hand.
CALHOUN
(very slowly and softly)
Tim Calhoun.
SENATOR
And what is your position at the Bureau of Alcohol,
Tobacco and Firearms?
CALHOUN
(leans over to COUNSEL for answer and
is again  fed appropriate response)
I work there.
SENATOR
Very well. Now, Mr. Calhoun, what were the prime
objectives of the ATF involvement in the Everglades?
CALHOUN
(signals to his COUNSEL for help)
Uhhhhh . . .
COUNSEL
As part of an ATF taskforce deployed to stem the
flow of drug traffic throughout Southern Florida.
SENATOR
I appreciate counsel sharing his thoughts; however,
I think we’d all like to hear Mr. Calhoun speak
for himself.
CALHOUN
(looking panicked)
Noooooo!
COUNSEL
Very well.
SENATOR
On the morning of April 14th, 2002, was there a direct communication between you and the head of the CIA?


CALHOUN not knowing what to say, COUNSEL once again whispers to him from behind his hand.
CALHOUN
That morning, umm, ah...


COUNSEL, face half-hidden by a file folder, tries to act inconspicuous, while telling his client what to say.
COUNSEL
(in a loud whisper)
I contacted...
CALHOUN
I contacted...

COUNSEL
Jim Henderson...
CALHOUN
Jim Henderson...
COUNSEL
and I made him aware...
CALHOUN
and I made him aware...
COUNSEL
of our intentions.
CALHOUN
of our intentions.
SENATOR
What were those intentions?
COUNSEL
(from behind his hand)
To...


CALHOUN
To...
COUNSEL
set...
CALHOUN
set...
COUNSEL
up...

CALHOUN
up...
COUNSEL
a...
CALHOUN
a...

COUNSEL
covert operations...
CALHOUN
covert operations...
COUNSEL
that would lead...
CALHOUN
that would lead...
COUNSEL
the smugglers...
CALHOUN
the smugglers...
COUNSEL
into an area occupied...
CALHOUN
into an area occupied...
COUNSEL
by Federal agents.
CALHOUN
Federal Asians.
COUNSEL
(correcting him)
Agents.
CALHOUN
(looking at COUNSEL, puzzled)
Asian agents?
COUNSEL
(loud whisper)
No, just agents.
CALHOUN
(addressing the SENATOR)
No, just agents.
SENATOR
Did you have any knowledge of the laundering of
monies between Havana and Washington?
CALHOUN
Uhhhh...


COUNSEL, looking concerned, checks through his files and advises his client once again from behind his hand.
CALHOUN
I don’t recall.
SENATOR
Well, maybe this tape will better your recollection.


SENATOR picks up a tape player and turns it on. We hear CALHOUN speaking very slowly.
CALHOUN (on tape)
Here is your laundered monies, Mr. Cartageña.
MR. CARTAGEÑA (on tape)
Thank you, Señor Calone.
CALHOUN (on tape)
It’s Calhoun, Tim Calhoun. Just like it says on my ATF
ID card. I hope you enjoy the cocaine. I know I did.


End of tape.
COUNSEL
(trying to remain calm)
Senator, may we have a moment?


COUNSEL and CALHOUN have a side conversation.
COUNSEL
(in a perturbed, loud whisper to CALHOUN)
What was that?

CALHOUN
It was a taped conversation.
COUNSEL
(visibly upset)
Yes, I know what it was! Don’t you think I
SHOULD have known it?
CALHOUN
Yes?
COUNSEL
(pouting like a child)
Alright, that’s it. You’ve lied to me. I can’t
trust you. It’s over!


Disgusted, COUNSEL sits back in chair with arms crossed; looks away from his client
CALHOUN
Pleaasssee!!


CALHOUN tries to touch COUNSEL’S shoulder and COUNSEL shrugs his hand away.
SENATOR
Now, Mr. Calhoun, what do you have to say about
these allegations?
CALHOUN
Uuhhh...

(in a loud, slow whisper into the
 microphone to his COUNSEL)
Please help me. I’m very frightened over here!
Please help!


COUNSEL sits back with arms crossed, studiously ignoring his client.
CALHOUN
(facing the SENATOR)
Could you repeat the question, please?
SENATOR
What do you have to say about these allegations?
CALHOUN
(looks to COUNSEL, who is still ignoring him)
Uhhhh...(looks back to the SENATOR) Could you repeat
the question, please?
SENATOR
(frustrated)
Mr. Calhoun, at this time, we have reason to hold
you in contempt because of your inability to answer
the questions.
CALHOUN
Plus the tape.
SENATOR
Yes and the tape.
SENATOR
At this time is there anything else you’d like to
say to this committee?
CALHOUN
What if you didn’t have the tape?
SENATOR
Well, we DO have the tape!
CALHOUN
(distressed)
Oh, nooooo.
SENATOR
Alright, this hearing is adjourned.
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